Stu News and Photos

My name is Stu and I am here to share what I can.

So... Nich is in the kitchen, making Huevos Rancheros for a class. He's doing quite nicely, chopping onions, prepping tortillas, etc. One of the ingredients is jalapeño, a green chile pepper. After he chopped, I cleaned up behind him with my bare hands. Not following strict, and smart, cooking protocol, I didn't immediately wash my hands.

Sure enough, about thirty seconds later, my eye itched, and I put a finger against the corner of my eye, to brush away the itch. Except it had jalapeño juice on it, which went into my eye.

Ladies and gentlemen, I tell you, without fear of contradiction, that this was the greatest pain ever in my life. I mean, within ten seconds the burning was so fierce that I sent myself scrambling, half-blind, into our bathroom. Like Peter Stormare in Fargo, I knocked everything out of the drawers in a mad dash, until I found the saline.

Unfortunately, the saline seemed to make it worse. Excruciating pain, almost exhilarating, but in a bad way. This was, of course, because the liquid saline was moving the pepper liquid deeper into the crevices of my eye. The burning was like hot pins being gently inserted into my eye.

At one point, I sincerely debated having Nich drive me to the hospital.

Fortunately, by the time I got to him, to ask him if it were puffing up at all (as I wasn't sure if I was allergic or not), things had settled down to a dull horrible pain. He said I looked fine, other than expanded capillaries in my sclera. Yay, no trip to the hospital.

Meanwhile, the pain dropped another level, but I wasn't out of the woods. Filling a small, plastic bag with crushed ice, I rested it on my eye and that brought the relief I sought.

As I write this, my eye is almost completely back to normal, about 45 minutes after the initial, clearly illegal incursion of the jalapeño into my eye.

Of course, the funny thing about being a geek is that, while this almost incomprehensible pain was taking over my very being, a small part was fascinated by it, as I developed a much more clear understanding of what it must be like to get maced.

Oh, and the Huevos Rancheros were muy delicioso!


cherylann said...

On a personal note, my husband made salsa the other night with 4 different peppers- jalepenos being the lesser of the evil hot madness- then decided when we went to bed that he wanted to fool around. Now, he HAD washed his hands (numerous times) and even given our daughter a bath, but that my friend... beats getting it in your eye. OUCH!

Stu said...

Ok, let me see if I have this straight. You're saying that after your husband washed his hands more than once, there was still pepper oil on his upper extremities and, while in the act of physical love, he caused you pain? Really?? Wow. I.Can't.Imagine.

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