Stu News and Photos

The Pope, in a homily he gave on May 22nd, said the following: 

“The Lord has redeemed all of us, all of us, with the Blood of Christ: all of us, not just Catholics. Everyone! ‘Father, the atheists?’ Even the atheists. Everyone! And this Blood makes us children of God of the first class! We are created children in the likeness of God and the Blood of Christ has redeemed us all! And we all have a duty to do good. And this commandment for everyone to do good, I think, is a beautiful path towards peace. If we, each doing our own part, if we do good to others, if we meet there, doing good, and we go slowly, gently, little by little, we will make that culture of encounter: we need that so much. We must meet one another doing good. ‘But I don’t believe, Father, I am an atheist!’ But do good: we will meet one another there.”

The next day, in an attempt to backpedal, a papal spokesman, Rev. Thomas Rosica, said, "...people who know about the Catholic church “cannot be saved” if they “refuse to enter her or remain in her.”

Allow me to point out that Catholic dogma clearly dictates the existence of papal infallibility, of petrine supremacy, of the Holy Father's universal power over the Roman Catholic Church. People may argue about what the Pope said, but no Catholic can challenge it. Remember: 

Matthew 16:19 "And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."

"First you do the thing, then you get the courage."
    -Stu Mark

Originally Published 2007/01/08

I'd like y'all to set a spell while I tell you a story. I promise, it's all true, all the way through.

The other day, while my wife was at work and my young ones were on vacation from school, the three of us, bored without my wife to make the circle complete, went to the Santa Monica Pier as a way to kill time and cheer ourselves up. Aside from a breathtaking view of the Pacific Ocean, the Santa Monica Pier contains rides and carnival-style games of skill. One of them was a ring toss. If you can picture it, there were about two dozen glass bottles laid out in a grid, and the object of the game was to toss a small plastic ring onto the top of one of the bottles.

I told both my kids, 11 and 14, that the bigger the prize, the more difficult it would be to win, and the ring toss had, by far, the biggest prizes on the entire pier. Huge stuffed frogs, green with envy at our ability to eat delicious funnel cakes, filled the walls of the ring toss stall. I pointed out their huge size, and the impossibility of winning one. Still, my kids wanted to try. So I shelled out enough for two buckets of rings, and the two of them set out to land a ring on a bottle neck.

Sure enough, wouldn't you know it, my tweenie Noelle, who sees that nothing is impossible, landed a ringer in about 20 seconds! That's her in the picture above, next to her prize.

Here's where we get to the parenting section: My son, age 15, turned to me and asked for more money for a second bucket of rings, determined to win a similar prize. Now, my daughter is always in my son's shadow, as he's older. So I pulled my son to the side and said: Give her the victory. Let it go.

He frowned, and started to argue a bit, but I explained the situation, how, because of his age, he is better than her at most things. So when she scores a victory, he shouldn't try to snatch it away from her. He should honor her by complimenting her skills, by being sweet and respectful. My son, the mensch, nodded, turned to his sister (and the biggest stuffed dog I have ever had to lug across a parking lot), smiled, and said "Way to go, Noe!"...

My point with this story is two-fold. One, finally, a victory with my son's battle to outdo his sister at everything, and Two, isn't that the hugest stuffie you've ever seen?!?

A long time ago, I was a writer. That is, I used to write regularly, both professionally and during my free time. One of my free-time projects took place during the latter half of the previous decade, where I had a regular column for Chris Brogan's "Grasshopper New Media" parenting channel. This was GNMParents, and it was a great time. Now it's the first half of 2013 and I've decided to republish my old columns, unedited, partly as a reminiscence, and partly as a way of sharing this stuff with friends who missed them the first go-round. -- I'm smelling pretentiousness on my part, so I'm already hesitating on this. And you know what they say, "An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure." And yet, why not? I'm allowed a certain amount of ego-play on my own blog, right? Ok, so it's settled, I'm gonna start posting these things. Feel free to complain to the management, I'm sure they'll be very supportive.

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 Originally published 2006/11/20

Solving Parental Backlash: Validate Them And They Will Pay You Back With Interest

Having trouble with your kids? Are they being disrespectful? Want to fix it? Willing to try anything?

Validate them. In the moment.

When you ask them to take out the garbage and they turn to you and scream "I Hate You!", look them in the eye and validate their outburst. Respond with "I hear you. I get what you're saying. Taking out the garbage sucks. It smells, it's gross, it's awful. And I don't like doing it either. I understand how you feel and it makes sense. It's fair for you to feel that way."

I guarantee that this type of response will reduce the strength and frequency of the outbursts. In fact, over time, a validating response will encourage your kid to be more respectful, as they will have direct evidence that you respect them.

You may have to walk them through it a few times. You may have to ask for the respect, although you should do it at a later time, not right then, where you will appear defensive. But later, maybe at bedtime, maybe the next day, say "Hey, remember when I asked you to take out the garbage and you yelled at me about it? I would like to ask you to not do that, as it hurts my feelings. We all have to do work around here, and every once in a while it is your turn to work. I want to find a way for you to understand that my asking you to do work is fair, it is reasonable. You don't have to like the task, and you can complain about it. But don't yell, don't be disrespectful to me, don't curse me out, because I didn't invent garbage. I'm just the one who is in charge of dealing with it."

This may seem awkward, or in conflict with your urge to yell back, to be mad at them. But yelling will only reinforce their belief that yelling is the right way to go. And then no one wins.

Everybody's asking me how it feels, the pain/sadness of missing Nich. I didn't want to give any of you a half-hearted answer, But there's a bunch of you and I didn't want to pay even a single one of you short shrift. I feel, sincerely, that you, my parents, my sisters, my brothers, my dear, dear friends are all owed my best on this one. So here is my answer to your question, "How do you feel about Nich leaving home?"

Here's the short, and emotionally candid answer:

I swear to almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster that I feel fantastic. Yeah, I miss him. I get wistful. I was picking out my morning music and as I browsed the cds, I thought of him and I got the mildest feeling of sadness.

But it's got to be similar to the sadness engineers feel when they last touch something that's going into space. Like when Tom Kelly (You know how we got to the Moon? Well, Tom Kelly was the NASA Program Manager for that there vehicle what brung 'em up there). Anyway, it must feel the way Tom Kelly said goodbye to the Eagle, the Lunar Module (LEM), before it left Earth. Sure, he was bummed that he'd never get to touch it again, but holy cow, it was gonna land on the Moon!

I have a similar sense. Yes, Nich is gone. Not forever, but not in any way the same. It's permanent. This is a separation, a clear crossing of a clear line. It's almost palpable.

But he's going to experience arguably the lengthiest period of unmitigated joy in the average human lifespan. Sure, there are sweeter moments, watching your kids being more, staring at your bride, et cetera. But nothing comes close to college. It's like the greatest summer camp. And I love him and his happiness is my happiness and knowing that his heart is full blinds me to even the slightest pain.

As they say on Reddit, AMA (Ask Me Anything

Nich came back from Hawaii yesterday (soccer tournament - he went with his dad and his sister - they had a great time). He asked if I would make dinner for him, and for his girlfriend. When I inquired as to the ethnicity he preferred (of the food), he chose Mexican.

Now I've never really cooked Mexican before. Polish/Jewish, Chinese, Italian, Cajun, Irish, sure, no problem. And I've made my share of quesadillas, but they are so easy they almost don't count. We live in Southern California, so when you want to eat Mexican, just step outside and there's ten fantastic Mexican restaurants in walking distance. So I've never dug in and prepared a real traditional Mexican entree before. I realized Nich wanted a homemade meal and I realized I wanted to do my best by him and his girlfriend, who is a terrific human being.

I did some scanning through my cookbooks, surfed the web a bit, and narrowed my options. Needed something simple, as I didn't want the wheels to fall off the wagon. I can cook more complicated dishes, but I was nervous about Nich's friend, this was to be the first meal for her at our house. Screwing up was just not an option. The answer: Burritos!

I started out with a recipe I found on the net, but then I changed it so severely that I figured I'd write it down and share it with y'all. It's a very simple dish and I'd assert it's a fine way to explore the cuisine of The United Mexican States. Give it a try as it stands, or with your own variations. Wait, what's that Yoda? "Do or Do Not, there is no Try."

Chicken Burritos, à la Supermarket

Ingredients:

Go to the market and pick up:

1 rotisserie chicken
1 container of pico de gallo, fresh (canned if you have to)
1 can Summer Crisp or Shoepeg corn
1 bundle of green onions
1 pack of flour tortillas
1 carton/can of chicken broth
2 packs of microwave Spanish rice (Uncle Ben's Ready Rice is the best, hands down)
1 bag of shredded cheese (pick your favorite, last night I used 3-Cheddar)
1 container dried garlic (if you don't already have at home)
1 container chili powder
1 container cumin
1 container cayenne pepper

Process:

Deconstruct and shred the chicken, putting just the meat into a large container.
Wash and slice the green onions.
Open the can of corn and drain it.
Microwave both packs of rice.

Get out your biggest, most favorite frying pan. I use my 5-quart Calphalon pan. In the words of Mr. Ferris Bueller, If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.

Get a medium flame going under the pan and put in some butter or oil. Saute the onions until they just turn soft. As they are cooking, toss in a liberal amount of the dried garlic (a teaspoon or two, your taste should guide you). If you want to go to the trouble of using fresh garlic, be my guest, but the taste of the garlic is not a focus in these burritos.

As soon as the onions go soft, toss in the chicken. After a moment, stir in the pico de gallo. Let that sit for a minute or two, then sprinkle in a solid tablespoon of chili powder. stirring and sprinkling, to coat all the chicken. Let it sit for another moment or two.

After you've caught your breath and come to the realization that this is going to taste pretty good, add maybe a quarter cup of chicken broth. This is just to keep things moist, but not swimmy. Then stir in the corn.

Can you start to smell the goodness? Right!?!

Sprinkle in a dash of cumin and then a dash of cayenne pepper. How much cayenne is up to you - some folks dig spicy and some don't.

Lastly, stir in the instant rice. Once everything is good and mixed, lower the flame and let it steep. Let all those flavors infuse the chicken.

As soon as you put your spoon down, heat the oven to 375°. Then get out a lasagna-sized baking dish. Then open the tortillas and the shredded cheese and get ready to fold some burritos.

When the oven temp hits 375, transfer the chicken mixture from the pan into a bowl. Get a big plate for burrito folding and a big spoon. Take a tortilla, put it on the plate. Put one heaping spoonful of the chicken mix onto the tortilla, off-center. Grab a healthy pinch of shredded cheese and sprinkle it on top of the chicken, then fold up the burrito. Not sure how to fold a burrito? Go to YouTube and do a search for Fold Burrito. There are a bunch of videos that all show essentially the same technique.

Once the burrito is folded, put it into the ungreased lasagna pan. When you've got enough burritos in there, cover the dish with foil and pop into the oven for 8 minutes or so. Then remove and serve.

There's lots you can do to adjust this recipe, from changing the meat to to adding chopped jalapeño to covering the burritos with cheese before covering with foil. Have fun with it, and don't stop believing in yourself.

You do not know this song.

On this day in 1930, Constantinople formally became Istanbul, per the Turkish Postal Service Law.

For my folks:

I found this video on YouTube - It contains footage of the mass-death of the anchovies at King Harbor in Redondo Beach. This is about 2 miles from my front door. Wait until the second half of the video for an awesome view underwater. Eerie and Creepy and Heavy-Duty, I tell you what.

It's true, I was born on March 2nd. And yes, it's true, I look fabulous, thank you. What's that? You want to get me a present? Well aren't you the sweetest thing. How about making a big pitch for (deleted website)? Ask folks on your blogs and Facebook and Twitter feeds to read it. Push them to subscribe. Or not, I also like chocolate and flowers and postcards from small-town America.

"Words, when spoken out loud for the sake of performance, are music. They have rhythm and pitch and timbre and volume. These are the properties of music and music has the ability to find us and move us and lift us up in ways that literal meaning can't."

-President Josiah Bartlet, from "The West Wing"

This was a favorite tune back in college. Sir Laurence Oliver and Bob Hoskins and the groundbreaking audio production crafting of Paul Hardcastle: