I created a parenting concept for our house, and those I've shared it with have asked that I share it more often. I want you all to know that this is something that I feel strongly about, and that it works well not just for my kids, but for we parents as well. In fact, I find it works in any situation, with any human being, anywhere. As always, your mileage may vary.
The Kid Isn't The Problem, The Problem Is The Problem
When I have a problem that concerns one of my kids (meaning: When I want them to do something that they refuse to do), I see that I have a choice. I could visualize my child standing on the other side of a line, next to The Problem, with me yelling across the line, "Hey, The Problem is yours! You better solve The Problem." Instead, I get myself to stand next to my child, with The Problem alone on the other side of the line, with me putting an arm around my child, saying "Hey, you and me, we're gonna defeat The Problem together." I find that this attitude seems to make my kids feel better about themselves. They feel accompanied during these moments. They feel respected. They feel uniquely empowered. It also minimizes or eliminates shame. Best of all, it greatly increases the chance that The Problem will be eliminated.
Please note that you can replace Kid with Parent, Brother, Sister, Friend, Neighbor, Boss, Co-worker, Waiter, Sales Clerk, etc.
Note: This concept won "Best Parenting Hack of 2006," awarded by Parent Hacks.
8 Comments:
Well, to be clear, the meat tenderizer is a fine choice for certain situations involving tax agents, clowns, parking enforcement officials, and anyone who talked Chevy Chase into hosting his own talk show.
Did you know that if you beat your kids with an orange in a sock, it doesn't leave a bruise?
Just sayin'...
What about oatmeal in a sock?
If you put them into the incinerator, it leaves no bruises AND no evidence of any other kind.
Ooops, Freudian slip! What I meant to say was, Good advice, Stu!
Sully,
Can't they check the DNA from ashes? And what about teeth? Won't the incinerator leave the teeth? What about what Mr. House did with his wife's body in Manhattan Murder Mystery? Wouldn't that work in real life?
Well, geez, Stu, I'm assuming you already knocked out the teeth on other occasions. As for DNA, you just throw in a couple of cats with your kids and it all gets mixed up and useless.
As for Mr. House, well...
Why then...there is no such thing as a problem child? Just problem problems? I think I like that!
Thanks for the blogroll mention Stu! Happy to find myself in such esteemed company.
Mom101,
Indeed, I believe that every child is a perfectly formed plant. It is the sole responsibility of the parent to act as gardener. Obviously you want to teach the child to be "self-watering", but again, that's the parent's job. You wouldn't yell at a plant for having fungus or dry soil, would you?
Mom101, I am a big fan of yours. I'm actually thrilled that you read my blog! Thanks!!
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