I read Shane's blog as often as he posts. He's an actor/producer/writer with a sincere desire to be a good person. I have a lot of respect for him.
Recently he wrote a post that addressed the concept of candor. Specifically, he suggested a National Purge Day, where we would have a national day of honesty, where we tell our friends the truth. He follows this presentation with this paragraph:
Until then, I suppose I will continue lying to my friends with my encouraging words after bad shows/performances/exhibits/weddings, and they will do the same for me. I will pretend to love their new girlfriend or cat and lie to their face when they ask me what's wrong with them over three or four beers. It's the least I can do to keep the friendships intact.
which led me to write the following comment:
I don't know about other people, but, with little exception, every day is purge day. That is how I treat my friends, with unconditional love and candor. Maybe this is the reason why I don't fit in with the Los Angeles culture. G-d bless my friends for telling me my breath is bad or that I'm eating crap food, or that my paintings suck toe jam or that I talk too much. This kindness they bestow upon me is greatly appreciated, especially when they do it *before* I've embarrassed myself, rather than after. Sincerely, I'm not being snotty, and I realize that the acting profession requires a large amount of brown-eye smootching, especially with directors who think they are superhilarious hot shit, but why should that ass-kissing be extended to friends? Why would you let your friend wear a bad rug for even two seconds? I think that the Los Angeles culture could change, and that change could come from the citizenry. Why not declare National Purge Life? If we all agree, all at once, to be candid with one another, maybe we'd be happier and less stressed. Again, I can see that this concept would be antithetical to the current culture, but as someone who is a barnacle on the good ship Hollywood, I can say that being candid every day is very freeing. Life is good.
4 Comments:
That's the only way to live as far as I am concerned. It's nice to have good friends and know how to be one as well.
I think that being a good friend is essential to living on this planet. Why not have mandatory friendship classes in elementary school?
Thanks Stu. I'm honest with my friends to some degree. If I always told people what I thought, I'd lose some of them.
Shane,
Thanks for commenting. I appreciate the concept of "If you're honest always, you'll lose friends", but for me, I like thinning the herd. Total honesty (communicated with love and respect) keeps me in enough wonderful relationships to keep me happy. It also helps me to get out of relationships with people I'm not crazy about anyway.
This is a touchy area, and I beg your indulgence. I'm not better than anyone, I'm not more ethical or moral, I'm just a guy who enjoys the cleanliness of never lying. It's a style thing, in the same way as my sense of humor is a style thing.
A tuna sandwich walks into a bar, hops up on a stool, and orders a Jim Beam, neat. The bartender turns to the sandwich and says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't serve food here."
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